someone once told me that "what is your motivation that u have been doing?? what is your path that u are walking?? are u just waiting for a person to tell u how to walk or to tell the person what you think and should do to make it better??"

on the way home i was thinking.. what kind of person am i?? to have so much troubles within me..making such a hard going path.. someone told me that discipleship is not just teaching from the bible froom the study.. but discipleship is actually a jounrey to go on as we are right now.. conflicts, troubles are there to increase our capabilities to let us learn on our way as we go step by step.. sometimes i was just wondering wat am i make of...

am i really a person that very hard to communicate?? am i a person that is very quiet?? am i a person that needs people to probe?? am i a person that had to have a heart to heart talk?? few months back, i just joined a new group with new people to make frds with.. from then on to now.. it's been quite awhile true i might have been making improvement in talking to them.. but two weeks ago..i was starting to think who can i really talk to?? who can i really have a so-call pal in there?? who?? irene?? can't be.. she in another group but still my close frds.. soemtimes things i can't explain and tell her.. hagiz.. who who?? God?? Jesus?? that i know.. sometimes it's good to have a frd that bare heart to heart talk with u from the same group..

what can i do?? hahaha.. who have the answers.. guess got to wait for God to show me the way once again... wahahha..

know what my path loook likes?? is the above picture.. rocky and upstream and dry.. but hey there still water flowing down.. meaning hope coming in soon???

have u ever seen a rubber band that stretches itself until so thin that it looks like it will snap?? that is what i am right now?? today i had an afternoon meeting with a whole group.. it was to train them to be a leaders for the future.. i was rushing down by cab from the CG.. and when i reached there i nearly snap the limits in my life.. i told another person that i wants to give up.. i think he knows that i'm real tired.. haha.. so he just ignored?? cos it's a rubbish word.. that person is B.K.T.. but thank GOd he knows i just very tired.. as i got to rush down from CG.. hahha... thank God!!

but seriously i think.. i'm up to the limits.. now is the time God's supernatural strength to be even more power..but yet.. hagiz.. hahaha.. watever.... tired tired... i need sleep i need BEAUTY SLEEP!!

oh ya!! today is our da-ge's son bday!! 1 yr bday!! wow!! u should have seen the party man!! is so very the noisy!! haha..imagine all the children's running around.. 

P/S:  bro Aloy, if u r reading now.. the gift has already included u.. so pls PAY!!! haha.. not to me but to B.K.T cos he paid for u first... :) hahaha..

have u ever read starting to read a book.. and whatever u read.. somehow it always collide with your life and what is happening around. that's what happening to me.. it seems like everytime that i read a book it will always happen in my life.. is this the way that God wants to show me in the areas that He wants me to see wants me to change?? a life that was in the past and now to change for the better..

right now i felt like giving up wat i have in my life, the responsiblity that was given to me.. sometimes i just felt that i can't make it.. there's no way.. it's too hard.. the stretching is so painful that i wanted to call it "STOP!! " but yet i never manage to do it.. why?? maybe i want to stretch myself how much i can be stretch?? or is it becos i want to learnt and not disappoint God.. for He choosen and appointed me??

what is it... what is it that is changing my life?? do it link to the dreams that i have in the poast few weeks ago?? a dream where it shows me alot of death that i was crying so badly.. what do it reacts.. ever since from that dream onwards.. my life started to have more new responsibility coming in.. until now.. like one person said that this yr is going to be a yr of building strong foundation.. either u grow stronger by the end of this year or u are out of this range.. what is it??? what is it?? WHAT IS IT??? SHOW IT TO ME!!!  anybody can?? haha.. dun think so... guess it's up to me once again to solve the questions with God.. i dunno who to speak who to turn.. irene?? aris??? bee?? bro aloy??  i do not want.. i know what their reply to me.. maybe i'm escaping reality to live in a world of virtual?? wahhaa.. like the matrix...

hahaha.. once again!! my bad sore thoart is back again!! and it's give me no voice!! how on earth am i going to preach .. hahhaa but ultimately i still did... leading the Praise and Worship and the preaching of the word.. hahaha.. powerful voice that are hard to hear!! woooooo!!! :)

today very very the busy.. ths is the first time i and the other two persons to really come up with a course for those people that wanna to be a leader.. it's hard man to organise!! i was that blur, that assume in me, that "dunno what to do" in me! but i thank God that today went on quite well..  though messy but it's an area where we can improve.. hahah still wacking up alot of things to modify it..

great BEAUTIFUL landscape here right.. imagine that your back of the houseview is this landscape won't it be great.. colours that light up your life whenever u feel down.. whenever u feel wanting to be alone in it... unlimited lands that God created heaven and earth for us to roam around to feel his creations.. i just love COLOURS!!

just now after the CG, we were having our BBQ!! hey.. but know one thing.. i FORGOT TO TAKE PICUTRES!!! wo de tian!! i was so fed up!! brought my digital camera liao then froget to take picture!! wahahah..  the BBQ was great..

after getting the food i sat in front of the tv staring at it.. right there and then i felt the quietness around me.. there's no words to speak no need to talk much to impress others or maked them feel welcome.. just myself sitting there enjoying myself..

sometimes to me... being alone in a house enjoying a great movie, a great story with no other sounds it was really like the whole world belongs to me.. enjoying the creation that God has made.. it's like i'm oblivous to things around me.. a small heaven to me :) smallest where there's colours and shade that hide and took care of me..

hello.. long time no update.. there's a feeling of sian-ness in me.. maybe due to the hot weather here in singapore?!? went to do a online quiz.. hahaha.. it's say i dun mind falling in love?? i was like "hahaha.. who will mind falling in love?? "but hey.. havent met the right person yet.. cant say much.. hahaha... anyway got back my result slip for my attachment i PASSED!! haha.. better pass man.. stay in the lab for dunno how many months and hours.. hate it but that's life. tomorrow there will be CG. most pro having BBQ after the CG to celebrate those finished the mid year exams. hahha.. will update the pics here for tomorrow BBQ!! :) cheerz!

wat an irregular update in my blog.. lazy to write, dunno wat to write or dun have the time to write...ahaha.. which are all the reasons that i can think of and i can see... but anyway sat service in church was really powerful..it said "WORK RELEASES OUR POTENTIAL" u all must have been "huh?? sure anot.. work very the tired one leh.." hahaha.. of cos lah.. if not would u have the skills u have right now to sit in the office, in school to do the things, to develop your potential.. hahaa.. if u said have then i said.. "siao"!! most of us must have been idleling six days, work one day.. ahhaha.. which is wrong..the bible says that God worked six days and rest on the seventh day!! so there only one rest day and the rest of the days are our potential to be release to the things that are given to us!! haha.. so u all got to work k!! dun be lazy!!!

imagine a scenerio where a wear-down hut at a beach.. inside the hut u and your love one met sitting down... wind the wind that blow thru the hut.. what will you talk about?? what will u say to one another..
saw a drama.. in it.. though maybe mushy but if u hear it u will understand what it really means.. "without u..i can't breathe, without u.. i got noone to go..i love u" what do u think mushy?? nope.. it's just a simple sentence of expressing the love out.. warmth may feel your heart..

imagine..God and u together sitting on a bench.. watching the the river flow downstream.. with trees shading u.. and talking.. simply saying simple love sentence to Him.. is that hard?? i do not think so.. that's what we are created for.. not for busyness not for the temptation but for the relationship with God

 sometimes people said that when u found a good book to read, u will be addicted to it.. sleep with it, eat with it, shop with it, laugh with it, cry with it, hug with it.. have u ever found such a good book? i did for once.. it's a book given by my ex-CGL bro aloysius call "Youth Ministry" by christine caine.. to be serious speaking.. i read the first few pages and put it aside.. but right now i picked it up once again and read it.. it caught me.. not just with my bare eyes but my spirit that caught it.. what was revealed in the book. some may said.. "aiya just a book itself, what so great with it??" but to me.. for me to really read finish a book.. it must really be a book that caught my spirit that i will reread it once again with no boredom in me.. 



when i was waiting for my frd irene to finish her work, i was reading the book.. to be serious speaking i tot my eyes was playing on me.. cos suddenly the light dim and then shone brighter again..just when i was reading this chapter on "a love for the word". and seriously speaking!! i mean really seriously leh.. the presence of God just bounced onto me.. i was like so captivated on that chapter.. to me i may not really be a lover of word but trying to be.. even as a CGL now for 5 months, two weeks back then i really started to love preaching the word of God.. as the very begining.. i was afraid.. afraid to speak in the public afraid that i will cause the members to backslide afraid of alot of things.. but right now.. i am enjoying it. i guess it was a preparation that God prepared for me to partake it.. though it's may seem late but it's just a right time that God sets.

right now i dun even know am i able to wake up tomorrow morning which means TODAY!! to go back to sch to do my fyp.. they are meeting AT 10AM.. *pRAY* hopefully can.. hehehe... am i purposelly!! NOPE!! i'm not.. but those who know me well is that during holidays i dun like going back to sCH!!! which i hate most!! whahha.. but it's the last sems before i graduate at the end of the year.. got to push it thru!!!

anyway i just wrote a truthful letter to a person who wants an answer.. i guess it's really up to the person to change it.. as my usual saying "change is for better, up to u to change or to ignore" i'm not bad.. just that i had already been giving chances again and again for the person to change.. but it seems none.. for awhile yes.. but later on back to its old spots..

out of sudden i wanna CUT my hair?? should i or shouldn't i?? in the first place... when my frds asked me along to go cut hair...but i said "NO .. wanna leave my hair long.." but today today TODAY out of sudden again wanna CUT my hair.. asked alot of opinons.. they all say cut lah... wat else u wanna want?? hahahah so i decided with Irene together we will go cut hair on... 10th march on monday!! cos only MONDAYSSSS then i'm free.. hehe.. might cut or dye or both.. depend on Jasper my hairstylist.. she was the one who asked me to left my hair long after 2 yrs of short hair!!

hahah.. brought a new wallet for myself.. and also bought for irene.. identical.. but different colour.. it's chio man!! tell u.. very the uniquely make..and it's cheap $26!!! new arrival somemore!!!

 BEAUTIFUL right?? hehe..

haha.. anyway it's time for me to get a new wallet.. cos of my pinky wallet that is spoilt..